Did She Really Just Say That?

What?   Did she just say sext your husband?   I sure did!   Now, please don't misunderstand, and the point doesn't have to be taken as literal as actually doing something like that.   Especially, if that is completely out of character for you or your man suffers from high blood pressure and a weak heart!   I am simply trying to get your attention (and get you to read my blog!)   But seriously, loosen up a little, and try to put yourself out there in ways that may not exactly be in your comfort zone, because, believe it or not, it more than likely is well within his.   The idea of sexting your husband to save your marriage came to me while watching an episode of Dr. Phil of all people!   One of his guests had an encounter with a boyfriend who was threatening to go public with a video and pictures.  (You twisted my arm, it was a grown up Pippy Longstocking!   How weird is that?).   Anyway, I learned during that episode only pictures and videos depicting a married couple are sacred ground and cannot be used against you in order to exploit, blackmail, or ruin your reputation.   It got me thinking.   How many men would like their wives to do something like that for them?    And how many husbands bury their true desires as they hide in secret behind their computer screen in "the man cave"?   Hmmm....What if we were the women who capture their attention?  

Photo courtesy of https://plus.google.com/115011885701043297113/posts


"While a man has emotional needs, too, as Dr. Willard Harley asserts in His Needs, Her Needs, a man's view of romance is much more focused on a single experience: sexual affirmation. In that regard, God wired men and women very differently. As you probably have experienced, these radical differences in approach to romance set the stage for repeated clashes in marriage—the husband pursues romance based on his sexual passion, and the wife goes after relationship."

http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/challenges/understanding-differences/why-sex-is-so-important-to-your-husband#.UuxA1n4o5Ms

 Photo courtesy of http://www.123rf.com/photo_13417102_business-man-drawing-80--20-percent-pie-chart.html

 

The 80/20 Rule...Where did it come from?

"About a century ago, an Italian economist, Vilfredo Federico Pareto noticed a few things from his backyard. He saw that 80% of the land in Italy was owned by 20% of the people in Italy. He also observed that 80% of the peas from his garden were contained in just 20% of the pea pods growing in his garden. With those figures as references and other observations, he developed a principle which later came to be known as the Pareto Principle or the 80:20 rule."
http://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/sweet-love/80-20-rule-in-relationships

Photo courtesy of http://gardening.ktsa.com/Peas/8069871


This ratio was intended to apply to economics, however, experts have adopted it as a way to examine the value of relationships.    Think of it as a more sophisticated version of simply writing down the "pro's" and "con's".   Except here, we take a more scientific view of things, like a pie chart.   In most relationships, neither partner is satisfied with 100% of the other on a daily basis.    And just like Pareto's pea pods, most couples fall somewhere between 65%-85% satisfaction rate upon real reflection of their marriage.  Seems pretty reasonable right?  So, why am I spending so much time on this topic?  It is believed, when one person strays from their spouse, it is because they are extremely drawn to the person who seems to fill that missing piece of the pie!   And suddenly, that piece is the one we all fight over with the good icing and flower on top!   Now, I don't know about how you walk around in your house, but I can tell you, with two toddlers (2yrs, 1yr), my husband is lucky he'll be coming home to a showered wife.   I even blow-dried my hair today! Woohoo!!! No messy updo!!!   This is not the successful girl he started dating who would never leave the house without make-up, who he rarely saw without a killer pair of boots on and skirt.   (Okay, there is no way you'll be seeing me leave the house without make-up to this day, but, point being, I am exhausted most of the time!   Especially after a long day with two toddlers, one screaming and the other spitting her food out onto the floor!).   Take a moment, this moment, and look in the mirror.   How did you look?   Gisele Bundchen?  Yes?   Wow, you go girl!  Me, not so much.  Today, there is another successful girl, out in the world, wearing killer boots and a skirt and he is seeing her on a day to day basis.   Should I be worried that her 20% is going to draw him away from my 80%?   No way!!! And why?  Isn't it clear?   Sex takes up a large portion of the satisfaction poll according to men's results...and for goodness sake I'm the one daring to actually blog about this!!!    

 

Marilyn Monroe photographed by Cecil Beaton, 1956.


In all seriousness, more people should pay attention to why they find their eyes wandering over the fence.   The grass isn't greener, it just may have something that seems to fill a space that is missing within your whole.  And, make sure you are open enough with your spouse to discuss these things.   And always, be diligent that sex isn't what's lacking.   That is like sending an invitation to an affair, by both parties.   Have fun, enjoy each other, and don't throw everything out the window and fore go the most for the momentary least.   Oh, I almost forgot, keep it classy...always.